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December 25, 2012
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"Every year on your birthday, you get a chance to start new." — Unknown

Only ten minutes into the festivities, Yusuke and Kazuma started a drinking contest. Kurama and Aurora backed out while Hiei just flat out rejected the idea. The two men managed to quaff down both six-packs, getting completely wasted before passing out onto the couch an hour later. Hiei had also fallen to sleep but mainly out of boredom.

It was now Kurama and Aurora who were awake and it was only eight o'clock. The two of them decided to clean up the messy apartment but were at a loss once they were done.

"So what should we do now?" Aurora asked as she sat on the floor, throwing her hands back behind her head. "It's only 9:30 and I'm not ready to head home yet." She turned to the kitsune with a curious look. "Do you have any suggestions, Shūichi?"

"Perhaps you could open your present?" Kurama suggested as he sat beside her. When she gave him a confused look, he chuckled as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box. He placed it in front of her and laid back against the edge of the couch. "I had planned to give it to you while walking you home but I guess it's a good time now."

Aurora looked up at the redheaded man before she picked it up, slowly pulling off the ribbon. She lifted the lid as her eyes sparkled. A large smile appeared on her face when she saw a diamond bracelet inside and squealed to herself. "Wow! This is so pretty!" She turned her head from the bracelet back to Kurama. "And it's really for me?"

Kurama smiled at her. "I'm sure you remember Yusuke's response from earlier," he answered jokingly. "Try it on."

She nodded and tied it around her wrist. Another squeal left her lips. "I love it." She wrapped her arms around Kurama's neck as she snuggled against him. "Thank you, Shūichi! You're so sweet!"

Her boyfriend chuckled and laid a kiss on her rosy cheek. "Of course. It was no problem getting that since I thought it really suited you."

The two of them laid back on the couch edge again, resting on each other's shoulder. Then Aurora opened her eyes as she smiled. "Hey, how about we take a walk outside? It's nice weather, even though it's dark."

Kurama blinked, then smiled. "I guess there's no harm in that." He stood and offered a hand to her. "What about the others? Should we let them know we'll be gone?"

"Nah, they'll be fine," answered Aurora. She winked at him as she squeezed his hand. "We'll be back before they know we've been gone~"
:iconcommentplz:

Oh, it feels so nice spending time with my Kurama—/shot Ignore my silliness. This two-shot was written as part of a commission for ~Thieving-Pup. Hope you enjoy!

Feedback, comments, and critiques are greatly loved~ :3

Part 1 | Part 2

Aurora Cerys is © to ~Thieving-Pup; Minamino Shuuichi "Kurama" is © to Togashi Yoshihiro's YuYu Hakusho; Story is © to moi, =Yumiko12345~ :heart:
:iconheronwolf:
Hi there. I read both parts, so consider this feedback for both of them.

I like the easy going flow of the story so far. Very relatable.

Now as far as comments go, maybe you could describe the fire demon/spirit detective part some more? By reading this I'm not sure what these terms are and omitting won't really take anything away from the story thus far. If you plan on continuing the story, and explaining what the demon is, then that would help a bit. But right now it's a bit confusing.

That's basically it really, you've done the dialogue and other things fairly well so, nicely done. Liked it and look forward to the next part!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconthieving-pup:
The storyline is easy to follow, however for a non Yu Yu Hakusho fan, the different titles you give each character to signify them would be a bit confusing. Try giving more detail about the characters when introducing them into the storyline.

In addition to the character descriptions, also try to give more information about the setting to give the reader a better mental image.

On a personal note, Aurora's personality is a bit too excitable. She is a bit more calm and easy-going and sometimes tends to be easily embarrassed with public affection, though it is only shown with blushing.

Aside from the personal note, this also goes for any other fan fiction commissions you write; not just for this story. Of course for a fan of the story being written, a lot of detail concerning the characters and setting wouldn't be needed for they are already familiar with them. However, other readers and their knowledge of the fandom should also be included.

All in all, the story was enjoyable and easy to follow. Being able to follow the storyline as well as being able to tell which character is speaking is also a great addition.

I enjoyed reading the story and hope to enjoy many more from you in the future.

Keep up the great work, Yumi-chan!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
1 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconthieving-pup:
Thieving-Pup Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I loved it! I love it! Both will be saved to my favorites! :+fav: <3

Like *smhw said in her critique reply, maybe I will ask for a continuation ~.^ Would love to see where you could take the story.

Once again, thank you for accepting my commission~! <3

~Thieving-Pup
Reply
:iconyumiko12345:
Yumiko12345 Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Student Writer
Aww, that's awesome! I'm glad that you enjoyed the story! :D

Haha, feel free to come up with any ideas for a continuation. That would be interesting. :3

No problem! Thank you for commissioning me. :3
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