[WARNING: RANT AHEAD! Please forgive this entry for being possibly bitchy, BAWW-ish, whiny, unnecessary, boring, rude in some ways, self-centered, self-absorbed, victim-ish, childish, immature, ignorant, and other words I can't think of at the top of my head. I'm just looking for some advice from an outside source right now and I would like to vent somewhere.]
Well, I hope you all had a pretty good Father's Day. Mine could've been better since all I did was fight with my dad. Ironic, isn't it?
I've had this slightly shaky relationship with my dad ever since fourth grade. He was pretty difficult to please, especially with grades, and it seems like whatever I tried to do, it would backfire on me. It was never good enough or just plain wrong. Before I got into high school, he would always compare me to my sister since she got higher marks - and still does - and plus, she acts like him in some aspects. Whenever I did something he didn't like, he would pull my sister aside and tell her not to be like me. I can understand why he would do that but he went too far when he called me "demon possessed" one time. It was extremely hurtful and, to be honest, I felt betrayed.
There were cases where I did deserve my dad's "wrath" but, as I got older, I got tired of being yelled at or beaten constantly and just ignored him. I didn't care about pleasing him with my grades and focused more on pleasing myself. My grades didn't drop, since I don't mind studying and all. However, I did want some sort of outlet, which was my writing as well as the Internet.
Lately, my dad and I have been fighting more because of our differing opinions; he's more close-minded than I am and isn't really willing to learn new things. He yells at me more often and called me a problem child a few times, even going as far as to say there's no good in me at all. He also treats me like the Anti-Christ just because I like Lady Gaga and anime. I know that there can be some bad in both but I'm not focusing on that... I've tried telling him that a person can find some good in almost everything but he doesn't believe me nor does he want to. Just last Thursday, he threatened to put me out because of it.
I'm really grateful to this site for allowing me the chance to express my feelings through writings and even accepting commissions from me. I've made some wonderful friends here and I wish you all the best! :3 I'm tired of fighting with my dad and I want to get along with him, but I'm too afraid to speak my feelings without crying like a baby or even screaming at him for all this pent-up anger. Does anyone have any advice or suggestions for me? Please help if you can. :[
[END OF RANT]
Setting that aside...the college-application stuff isn't going well lately. I keep going lower and lower on the totem pole because of my crappy SAT scores so I'll have to go to a tech college and then transfer to a university. I blame my procrastination as well as my fear of rejection. Dx Right now, I'm just hoping I get to go to college sometime this year. -_-
Commissions and trades are still open so feel free to order! I'm very thankful, again, that I've gotten so many! Thank you to all those who have commissioned/traded with me so far! I will make sure to make your stories wonderful~ 8D
Thanks again for reading and have a great day/night!
- Yumi-chan, the depressed one~