Hello everyone and thanks for reading! Winter break is upon us and so are finals! I'm making sure to drill the Psychology info into my head so I'm feeling hopeful that I'll pass my class!
However, my previous week wasn't so nice.
(Sorry again for the bitchy, whiny journal. And excuse my French. Need to vent again so please bear with me! Dx)
On the 9th, I got into a nasty fight with my parents over my grades...
again. When I told my mom the last two grades I got, she kept saying that I can't get good grades and should just get a job and or clean around the house. When I kept telling her that no one's hiring because of the economy, she starts getting mad at me and doesn't want to answer with anything else. Tch.
Then my dad chimes in and starts comparing me to my sister, constantly bringing up my mistakes and rubbing them constantly in my face...like I don't know my own damn mistakes. I'm getting angrier because it's something that he always does and he never wants to correct any of his own mistakes. And when I tell him to leave me alone and both my parents blow up and starts to yell at me while occasionally sprinkling some cuss words in their rant as if to "prove their point", accusing me of being a "whiny, ungrateful child that always plays the 'victim' role".
Yeah. They're "real Christians", all right.It escalates even more afterwards, starting with me stupidly blurting out that they "treat me like trash" and didn't bother to explain. What I meant was that I felt mistreated they always seem to verbally attack me whenever something goes wrong but whenever I try to stand up for myself, they get angry and want to either put me out or hit me. One could consider it as "revenge" or a way to "snap back". My mom starts laughing and says she'll really "treat me like trash" if she wanted me to and then my dad tells me that I'm a liar and how I'm always complaining...or something to that effect.
After that, I don't remember what happened then but I know I had said something to my mom that was "sarcastic". But I do remember her shoving me to the ground and screaming at me. Now, my sister is watching everything and she's crying and begging my mom to stop, even though she's getting pushed away, too. Seeing that scene alone made me feel ten times guiltier than I was when the fight started. When she got up, she ran to me and hugged me, which made me start crying as I kept my back to my parents.
Didn't take long for everything to calm down, however; I'm still a little pissed at my parents, even though I'm telling myself to just forgive and forget, but I'm still feeling bad for my sister since she watched all of that happen, which makes me feel worse about myself now. I wouldn't blame anyone for siding with my parents since I was probably the biggest, stupidest douche in that fight.
Really, guys, don't get me wrong. I really
am grateful that I have a home and all...but I cannot stand it when my parents constantly patronize and criticize me and expect me to meekly take it. I'm not going to stand for that anymore! I do feel like leaving and finding my own apartment but I'd feel bad about leaving my sister behind as well as my friends. Plus, I know that the world will not be kind to me if I do. So I'm pretty much stuck in a rut.
...And that's my boring home life so far! Moving on to school life~ 8D
School has been okay. I'm working hard and studying so I can pass my final exams. Thank you to all of those who gave me support and encouragement. You guys have no idea how much that has helped me through this week. I was literally crying as I read all of your comments. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much! I will be willing to listen to anyone else's problems if they need someone to talk to. Please feel free to talk to me. ; w ;
Commissions and trades are still open since I need something else to do besides study. I'm getting closer and closer to my goal, thanks to all of those who have sent me orders! Thank you so much as well! I will work hard to make sure that your fanfics come out enjoyably well.
People I Plan To Commission/Owe Commission Points To [If they're open... |D]-
- 560
for a normal headshot
-
- 160
for a chibi couple picture
- 
- 200 for a chibi-
- 100/130
for a headshot
Total: 1050
Well, that's all for now! Thanks again for reading and have a great day/night!
...I want some damn chocolate. And I'm hungry. |D
- Yumi-chan, the chocolate-craving nerd~
P.S. This is my wishlist for
~ I hope they'll accept me!
Art, chibi or not, of one or all of my OCs:
Alexa "Lexi" Maradona |
Mayumi Kimura |
Sierra Leone/Selina Kirkland |
RenA one-shot with my OCs with their respected love interests: Lexi with Kurama from YuYu Hakusho, my boy OC Ren, or Renji Abarai/Ichigo Kurosaki from BLEACH | Sierra Leone/Selina Kirkland with either America/Alfred Jones or Japan/Kiku Honda from Hetalia | Mayumi Kimura with Sasuke or Itachi Uchiha from Naruto: Shippuuden (I would prefer it if this fanfic was to take place in modern times. :3)
Stamps of any of my OCs with their love interests or by themselves~ :3
`ChewedKandi has certainly gone out of her way to keep the vector community on the right path. Always making sure that her talents are infinitely scalable, Sharon has put her bezier curves to excellent use, and firmly anchored herself as an inspirational leader. We're absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for June 2013 to `ChewedKandi. Congratulations, Sharon! Read More
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Outraged 
That isn't to say that succeeding in school is something unimportant, but after how many years of knowing you, I know that you're the type of girl who really does put forth her all into school and you do all that you can in order to be above the rest. Other people our age wouldn't take this so seriously and slack off but you've been looking for advice, considering tutoring, studying, and trying to grasp your mistakes to learn from them.
It's just so sad that your parents have their minds wrapped around labels stuck on kids dealing with a faulty measurement system of your current knowledge that they confront you with it and openly judge and belittle you because of it. Even if grades and school means that much to them, they should be happy that you've gotten this far and you're still trying to acquire new knowledge and that you have a path in life you're trying to follow. Nothing is easy, especially not jumping into college, and it really is a shame they don't recognize you for the considerate, intelligent person that you are.
I'm sorry that they said those things to you because despite what guilt you may feel, it wasn't your fault that they blew up and caused such a huge scene since you were completely undeserving. And you can't blame yourself for retorting either, because you were backed into a corner while they continuously tried to eat away at your ego and self-esteem to get you to submit.
Just remember that one of the biggest things about growing up is learning independence and this is a perfect example of you establishing yourself as human as well as an adult, and I hope it fuels the desire to stand on your own two feet so that in the future you won't have to deal with this kind of lashing out due to your honesty about your status in school.
Stay cool, mamacita, and hang in there. <3
I do procrastinate, though, and that's not good. But my parents don't believe me when I actually do study all day. It feels like they don't believe me on pretty much anything, which gets me pretty angry. Then they wonder why I ignore them sometimes.
Aw, man. I bet you a million bucks that my dad would consider what you just said "trash". He always thinks he's right, even though almost everyone would bring up something that's wrong. It's irritating as well as arrogant. And thank you.
You spoil me too much. ; w ;Really? I had a feel that I deserved every bit of it and was just venting/bitching it all out... because I made my sister cry the whole time. I've told my parents more than once that I've been hurt by their words but it's just another cycle. It probably won't be too long before they do it again.
Thank you again for your kind words. It really makes me feel better. And I'll hang in there! Don't worry~ It's also nice hearing from you again, Moni-chan. It's been a while. ; w ; How are you doing?
Procrastinating is fine when it's not your entire life. I do it all the time and I still manage to get decent grades. If you just never did anything then that would be a problem, but the difference is that you buckle down and get what needs to be done, especially when it's studying. I think that's pretty commendable of you because I definitely don't sit down and review over material as much as I should and you're so dedicated to your schooling.
Well I can see why you'd get frustrated. I've been around some of my friends' parents before and based on what they've told me, I lucked out with how patient mine are. I would just say, don't lose confidence in yourself. Recognizing that he isn't always right, contrary to what he thinks, is definitely going to help you retain your sanity and keep you going. People as stubborn as that may never change so you have to stick to your guns. (:
Don't worry too much about your sister. I've been on her end and it is scary but it's not as if it's entirely your fault, so don't think of it that way. Conflict is going to happen with clashing views and I just hope that she can stay as strong as you to get through it. Just be there to support her and maybe try to explain things to her when everything's calmed down. I'm also sorry that this is more frequent than not...that's too much stress to be added on to your academic life.
Alright, good on you then! :3 I'm happy to lend any ego-boosters since you don't get nearly enough of it. And geez. This past week has been crazy. Like I told my other friend, teachers before break just swarm me with work at the same time. So this weekend I had to do a huge test with NINE essays to write, five homework assignments, two quizzes, two discussion posts and a whole paper 5-7 pages in length. Still working on it, too...
Haha, thank you!
XD I'm definitely stickin' to my guns. My dad will probably never change with his attitude so I'm not going to waste my breath too much. |D /shot I do have a feeling that your parents are super patient. Are they open-minded as well? 'Cause if they are, you have definitely lucked out.
I've told her that I'd be fine and I'm glad that she supports me as well. I think she does understand some of what's going on at home. There is a lot of stress and being the sweetie she is, she wants me to be happy and stress free. I love her. <3
D'awww! You're wonderful!
I know the feeling of grades not being so good but you shouldn't have to be screaming at your parents nor should they have to scream at you. Once you get those good grades, if they start screaming at you then, then you'll at least know you're not in the wrong. Parents can get touche about this sort of thing - like you said - the economy is bad - if they're paying for your education, then you should get good grades so they know it's not money being thrown out the window. And if you can, maybe you should get a job, maybe at your college or something minor. Make sure you stay focused on your studies though. Good luck.